What is it like to put everything into God's hands? A question I thought I knew the answer to this past summer, but with school now in full swing; I realize I still have so much to learn. The answer to this question can be different for everyone...different for each situation...but with this "letting go" comes very similar feelings: fear, hopelessness, lonliness, unsurity, and insecurity. Francesca Battistelli sings a song titled "I'm Letting Go,",which gave me alot of hope and guidance this past summer. Listening to the powerful words of this young woman, I realized we all are going/have gone/will go through this same struggle...she sings:
I'm letting go Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams Losing control Of my destiny
Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe
To feel so unconnected from control seems like such a wrong feeling, but thats what it is like to trust God. Which leads me to my next thought process....
Okay, so now that I am at school I have been faced with more power struggle situations. I am struggling to give it to the Lord and trust Him, but today, as I began to write in my journal I realized how silly I am and how burdensome the frustrations of the flesh are.
I began with asking myself...If God has something better planned for you...why do you continuously think to rely on yourself and your creations. As I wrote I began to be corrected, the Creator of the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen...is my God...and He loves me...and is planning my life. Why can I not be more than satisfied with that...then I realized how I think...what life is really like in my small mind...
I'm hanging on a rock wall which is sharp and cold... God has laid out this cloud, a cushion for me to fall into...its a clear drop..no obstacles in the way...just a clear path to the destination...but Im too scared. So I stay there and hang...my hands are bleeding and I know full well that one of these days my arms will give out or the skin on my hand will wear away...but not to worry God will be there to catch me... then I will fall to the place I should have been ...but instead I choose to take the time that I am given to be in pain...constant struggle...relying on my own strength, when I could just fall and be released of ache.
That is the choice we have...I think I have fallen but...sometimes I feel like I have just jumped to another cliff...I fell only to find something else to hold on to. As a human I try to find ways around just falling..I make it harder than it is...I try to reason.
To take it a step further...imagine the original setting..I was on the rock...it was gorgeous there...absolutely perfect...but I got curious and decided to venture (or eat a forbidden fruit). Before I knew it I am hanging on for dear life (a life I had for eternity), I am not strong enough to swing back on stable land, but God has another plan for me. He has prepared to catch me in case I had to fall...and I did...but now God is saying okay so you are hanging, let go and let me take you where you need to be. Its the fall we are dealing with..the fall from God...but now fall back on God.
My advice: think of the most beautiful thing imaginable...and then think God created that and me and my future. Wow, what wonderful things are in store.