A writing assignment for class.
When I first arrived all I was aware of was fear. The fear inside of me, from leaving my family and the other part, was so big that it blurred all the beauty that surrounded me. All I could see was the brokenness and shallow depth inside of myself.
After One Week
My fear had subsided. I began to see the varied greens of the trees against the bright blue of the sky. I talked to the other part on the phone in the evenings. My heart missed him. I knew he would appreciate the nature around me and the change in me. I was becoming stronger. And he had built a love for nature within me. We traveled to the mountains annually. My other part taught me the names of the trees and how to enjoy the sounds of nature. There is no better place to relax then in the comfort of Mother Nature. She knows the perfect melody to the sweetest lullaby. We journey to small islands, exploring the sandy beaches and the shallow surrounding water. At times I missed my other part so much it hurt. The time we would see each again seemed so far away. But until then I would take pictures of the tall trees outside, the mountainous beaches, and the starry nights.
My other part and I started off the week just grand. But through the time of only a few days we seem to be growing apart. It is hard to live when you are not complete. My world is darkening, and I once again do not see anything but what haunts me in my mind. Sometimes a change so big happens that you are never the same. How I hoped the other part would not bring me despair. I tried to enjoy the loveliness of the people around me and the glorious sights in my back yard. But when your mind is dark it blinds the light of the whole world. And there is only One who can change that. So my second week progressed until my worst fear had come true. The other part was no longer. He was now a separate being in this big world. We were no longer connected and I never felt so alone. The world continued to be dark.
4 Days Later
I grew to love being at the center of the forest. O how the trees were so old and so tall. I must serve an amazing God, for only a truly amazing God could create such a beautiful sight. Sometimes I would sit on the edge of the creek, putting my toes into the cool water. The ripples remind me that not only people have life. I could see the obvious reaction of my foot on its surface. In nature you can physically see your effect on it…not so much on humans. Interesting isn’t it. Nature can’t speak but how it shows the damage or care you can do to it. People however are silent. The creek holds, to me, so many curiosities. I am mesmerized by the life under water. Its crystal beauty causes me to feel at peace. I don’t really understand, but I am satisfied without knowing why. I look from the man made deck on to a canvas painted by the hand of God. In this self portrait of beauty…only revealing a part of him, for there are many attributes of God, I see a canyon made by the forest. There are trees on both sides, running water in between, and a bright blue canopy. I tried many times to take a picture in my mind. I knew if I could fully capture that sight in my mind, I would never grow dull to God’s magnificence. Once, while I was journeying through the forest I found a hollow tree. It was so wide that I could step inside. I wanted to be able to say, “I have been inside a tree.” How nature fascinates the curious. When I was inside that tree, I felt a bit outside of myself. Sometimes it takes a radical change of view to see life in a more honest way, beautiful or ugly. Inside the tree I felt, though it sounds a bit cosmic, part of that tree. I was able to see what that tree looked out at. I was not a broken human in a forest, I was not tainting the beauty of organic, but I was hidden inside that which made it up, looking around to see what this place was like without me. I was finally looking out, instead of in.
The Last Day
A hard loss can be a honest gain. Sometimes by losing part of ourselves we are made more complete. I can see.